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You are Here My Baby 1on1 » Parenting » Behaviors By Age
Behaviors By Age
There we go! That was a much easier route for my mind to take, since it didn't involve anyone being at fault, me or them! Cool! I figured I'd just get out my trusty Total Transformation workbook, find the section on age appropriate expectations, and I'd get my answer. (By the way, I refer to that workbook and the Total Transformation CDs often - they're starting to get worn out!) I did find a section on age appropriate behavior, including age appropriate consequences and age appropriate rewards. (I discuss this a little further down in this article), but what really caught my eye was a section on styles of parenting, and I realized that this applied perfectly here. James Lehman, creator of the Total Transformation program, talked about seven different parenting roles that parents play. These roles are generally well-meaning but ineffective because they fail to promote responsibility, accountability, or change. The Seven Permissive Parenting Roles Let me list them: The Bottomless Pockets; The Over-Negotiator; The Screamer; The Ticket Puncher; The Savior; The Martyr; The Perfectionist. I had to know more. What I learned was that I was several of these in spades. And for the situation that sent me scrambling for answers, I was playing the Martyr. What happens is the Martyr takes on the kid's responsibilities and expects less and less from the kid because they don't want the kid to be unhappy or distressed. It was not a pretty picture. James Lehman just lays it out real. And when I hear him I think that certainly makes sense. However, in the heat of battle, that sense flies right out the window. So when feelings are high, it is nice to have his words already tucked away for recall. Now, to get back to age appropriate behaviors, consequences and rewards. Heres how Mr. Lehman sees the different age groups. Ages 5-9 - At this age, children are interested in time with parents and other adults. They are beginning to establish some independent relationships with peers, but often need some adult support with this. Age appropriate consequences include going to bed early, losing TV or computer time, and going to their room. Rewards could be staying up late, earning stickers, and having someone do a chore for you. Ages 10-14 - Children at this age are just beginning to struggle with a sense of themselves. In addition, they are practicing independence, while still requiring a great deal of parental supervision and support. Connections to peers are becoming primarily important in their lives. Judgment can be poor when an older teen is offered choices and activities. Consequences might be losing TV time, being grounded from activities, or losing phone time. Rewards include use of cell phone, gaining computer time, and getting to choose the food for dinner. Ages 15-17 - It is imperative that kids this age are striving toward being independent and growing in this area. They are highly involved with their friends and activities that for older teens. You can use anything surrounding vehicle usage and phone/computer time as both rewards and consequences. These are just a few of the age appropriate consequences and rewards that are available at the different age levels as well as a bit of info on the parenting roles, which I found most helpful for me right now.There are more in Total Transformation, but I found these ones really made sense for my current circumstance. -->
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Article by: MattHellstrom |
Total views: 366 |
Word Count: 656 About the AuthorDoes The Total Transformation Really Work? We've searched the web for unbiased replies to that question, and they're available at http://positiveparentingskills.com, along with lots of great articles about parenting difficult and out-of-control children.
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